Teens Meet Outreach

Tell me her eyeballs aren’t pretty, and be ready to provide Ten reasons for saying so. Lol.
Jane Kareem talks about her love life and how she has almost stumbled several times. She’s gradually working towards having that ‘perfect love life’ and would probably come back here to tell us about him, don’t you think? She knows teen couples are cute but she isn’t willing to give it a try. Is she shy? Or what? Read her story

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Who would have thought that at some point in time, teenagers would have what is referred to as a ‘Love Life’? Actually, everyone has one – it’s either active or inactive, or so I think. Anyway, for the first time ever, I’m sharing my love life with the world and I’m grateful for the opportunity. This seems like the best time to do so.

One of the most controversial issues in Christian teenage circles is dating and way before I attained teenage proper, it was hammered into my skull that ‘Having a boyfriend is a sin.’ Now you’d agree with me that here in Nigeria, the best way to prevent people from doing something is to declare it a sin! As long as that person stays ignorant, it will work. Trust me!

Whether I was deliberately lied to or the adults who told me that were also ignorant, I have never found out. It’s so sad that we tend to shield people from the ‘entire truth’ because we feel it will give them the liberty to do more wrong. But as I have discovered and like Jesus affirmed, the truth brings freedom!

Honestly, I have come to realise that the cutest couples always seem to be teenage couples. Come on, you can’t see how Troy and Gabriella of Disney’s High School Musical or Hazel and Augustus of The Fault in Our Stars were portrayed and not wish to feel something like that. I definitely did. In fact, by the time I was entering the teen years, I had begun to look forward to guys wooing me. I knew I wouldn’t give in, but I just wanted to experience it!

Most of my closest friends are usually older than me by about two or more years. So when they were already being ‘toasted’ and gisted me about it, I sincerely wanted it to happen to me. I still remember the name of the first guy that asked me to date him. He was nothing near my ‘Prince Charming’ so giving him a big bold, italicised, underlined and highlighted-in-red ‘NO’ was not difficult at all. I was so tripped by the advances guys made at me that I made a list of those who expressed interest in me at some point in time. It was quite long, actually.

Of course there were the crushes and the ones to whom I felt attracted but perhaps because of my highly introverted nature, I did my best to hide it from them, such that when I told them some years later, they usually found it hard to believe. But then, even if they had approached, I would have given a ‘NO’, because even when they eventually did, I gave the usual answer. That word has somehow become my favourite two-letter word.

I rapidly grew from the mentality of teenage dating being a sin (it really didn’t hold out since it isn’t true anyway) into wanting to date just one person till marriage. At some point, I thought ‘If I date someone now, a breakup is most likely to happen and it will ruin my perfect love-life.’ I am a perfectionist, and whatever will ruin ‘perfect’ for me definitely has to be eliminated. At some point, I wanted to get married at the age of 25, so I figured going into a relationship at perhaps 22 or 23 years would increase my chances of the perfect love life which I dreamt of. Prior to that, I considered the age of 18, since that was the age at which one was considered to be an adult in Nigeria. It didn’t work, obviously.

In trying to ‘consider’ those who seemed to have genuine feelings for me and not hurt them too much with the usual ‘NO’ or ‘I am not interested’, I didn’t give definite answers which I ended up regretting because I did them more harm than good. I knew I wouldn’t agree but I didn’t want to hurt them so I gave not-so-definite responses, thereby giving them a sort of hope where there really wasn’t any hope at all.

I have just one more year to spend as a teenager and the advances have actually reduced. Perhaps, the guys have made it known amongst themselves that I am a ‘No-go area’. LOL. At this age and with the choice I’ve made, however, it is actually a relief. From being a thing of pride, advances became a sort of burden and it’s funny how it all changed. I’ve met the cute, the intelligent, the stylish, the ‘spiritual’, the rich, the talented… All sorts! Yet, the answer hasn’t changed.

A friend called me recently and complained that I never call and I told him that I usually didn’t have enough airtime to buy data and call as well. I usually sacrifice one for the other. He teased that if I perhaps had a boyfriend, that wouldn’t be the case. I’ve also heard such phrases as ‘Oko won lode’ meaning husbands are now expensive so I should grab one as soon as I can. I find that very funny because I know that, when it is time, it is not going to be an issue AT ALL to find good MEN who will want to marry me.

Some say I’m letting my perfectionist tendencies affect me too much with guys since no one is perfect. Truth is, I have met an almost perfect one and it’s funny because I was almost disappointed that not even as much as a crush did I develop for him. Some say it’s pride, some others say it is simply foolishness. From such seemingly silly reasons as ‘I don’t want someone to pester my life with calls and all those mushy stuff’ to destiny/purpose-driven ones like ‘I am still discovering purpose’, I have remained single and am very happy about it. I know what I want and need right now, and a boyfriend is definitely not one.

I am still growing, really – physically, spiritually and more importantly for this aspect of life, emotionally. I mean I still do things that puzzle even me at times. I’m still learning about me, creating my own outlook on life, exploring my strengths and weaknesses. I’m on the road to being the best woman I can be. I know that this is the best time to do that because once I’m with someone, a lot will have to change for me. One might want to argue that no one ever knows themself totally and all, but I’ll rather do the major part now since these are the years that largely determine my adult life.

Staying single has also largely helped my decision to stay sexually pure as temptations to compromise are highly reduced. It has helped my relationship with God immensely and right now, I am totally at peace. Left to me, the choice to stay single is the best I ever made as a teenager.

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About the Writer

Jane Kareem is a young writer and blogger. She studied Science Laboratory Technology at Yaba College of Technology, Yaba, Lagos and intends to further her studies in the medical field. The second of four children, she is a God-crazy Christian. She blogs here

You can connect with her via her email address: jhaynekareem@gmail.com