I used to have a close relationship with a friend. Let’s call her Adele. So close that each of our parents knew about the relationship we shared. Sometimes, I would have phone conversations with few of her extended relatives. (We know that not all African parents would get interested in their children’s friends).
Adele was a kind person. She was kind in every wise and often times, she’d speak of how she loved me and how I had been a best friend. (Best friend? Felt a little discomfort as I hadn’t gotten used to see her as a friend)
We had misunderstandings too often. I mean, I had friends who are still friends till date, and I hadn’t recorded even close to same number of arguments and misunderstandings like I had with Adele.
It got too serious that we could barely go through two days without arguing at least five to six times. Believe me, when I say argument, I mean the one that left one of us in tears, as the other would raise voices.
Once, neighbors heard and came to settle the argument. It became a reoccurring decimal.
I was beginning to lose myself. My confidence was beginning to suffer. My heart would suddenly start beating fast in a very bad way each time I was around her. I would begin to wonder what would cause the next argument. I began to notice that I had more peace when I was away from her. Although I had my flaws, I guess she was being petty with the whole thing. Nonetheless, I worked on myself to see if the issues really came from me, but no change was seen still.
It got really bad that I would tell a lie just to not be around her. I knew that if I do not leave/break this friendship, it was definitely going to break me. My peace already had been stolen. I was literally losing myself. We were both kind to each other, but that still wasn’t enough to keep us.
I mentioned it to my mum. She was no longer comfortable with the relationship as well.
The question then was, how do I tell her I was done? Do I begin to avoid her? Do I suddenly stop speaking to her? Who really does that?
Then again, where did the challenge begin?
I realized that the challenge had a lot to do with our foundation as friends. I allowed her choose me and not the other way round. I allowed Adele control the relationship. We were honestly not in it together. At this point, I know that some people are meant to remain acquaintances.
That was it! A few months later, there came the last straw that broke the camel’s back. A very minor issue came up and that was it. Deep down inside of me, I knew I was sincerely done!
I didn’t a single grudge against her.
My heart stopped losing beats at the sight of her.
Truth is, we honestly cannot be friends with everyone.
- Many are meant to remain acquaintances.
- A handful are meant to be called just friends from a distance.
- Very few are meant to be called friends
- One or two meant to be close friends.
Some of us might have had such relationship with a friend or currently in such relationship.
You know it’s time to let go when:
- You begin to feel uncomfortable around them. You regain your peace each time you’re away from them.
- You both have different priorities.
- You’re always the one trying to make it work. We necessarily do not have to fight to keep our friends. It’s a thing that should flow!
- You begin to lose your confidence. You’ll know this.
- You count more unhappy moments and misunderstandings, compared to the happy moments shared.
- You find yourself neglecting the things that naturally gives you joy. All you want to do is constantly see how to do things to keep this friendship going.
- They don’t make you feel good about yourself. They constantly yell out your flaws and whisper the good side of you. Ain’t that choking?
- When you can’t count on them. Do they call or check on you only when they need something or an information?
As we wrap up 2017, don’t you think you should have a quick review on the people you call friends?
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