In this first part of this series, I shared five things children need from their parents, which includes Love, Faith, Confidence, Patience and Affection. Today, we will be looking at five more. Continue reading to know what they are.
Our role as parents is to provide feedback to our children which is conducive to the building of their character. When we criticize, yell, berate or become passive-aggressive, they cannot grow. They will shrink or become enraged and develop negative feelings about themselves, their capabilities and about us. When we rob our children of their pain and we do not allow them the possibility of failure, then we also rob them of their pursuit of happiness. Our children need our counsel to understand that the most important part of life is the worthwhile struggle of discovering a sense of meaning and purpose.
Each child is here in this life to be their own person. They are not here to be like us, they are not here to be as-good-as or better-than their siblings, peers or the children of our friends.
When we compare our children, we are telling them they are not as good as others.
This undermines motivation and makes them feel a lack of their own personal significance. There is no comparison. You can only compare someone to themselves and even then, we all have bad times in life we wish to move past. If we use a comparison, it should only be an example of how far our children have come from where they were before. Use compassion instead of comparison.
It is our role to teach our children right from wrong, but it is not our right to decide who they are supposed to be. As parents, we need to stay away from controlling, manipulating and pulling our children away from their natural interests. We must allow them to explore their own decision-making process instead of making decisions for them.
If we show disgust or disappointment over their choices, because they aren’t the choices we would have made, then we are manipulating.
For us to be great leaders, we need to live the lives we love, to have a purpose beyond our children, so we don’t need to live out our lives and our unrealized dreams through our children.
It is not their responsibility to make up for what we are missing in our own lives.
If you do not respect your children, they will, in turn, learn not to respect you. Children will do as you do, not as you say. They are not going to respect you simply because you are an adult. They can only respect an adult who respects them. If you ridicule them, they will ridicule and disobey you. If you want to be respected by them, respect yourself and show them what that looks like. Most importantly, respect them; it is through the respect given to them that they naturally learn to respect themselves and you.
If you are emotionally immature as a parent and you rage, ridicule, cause tantrums and ignore your children, you teach them to respond to you and to life in that exact same way.
Children need your love, time and attention. There is no substitute for you. Never let babysitters, iPads, video games or other things become the parent or caretaker of your children. We are a working society and all have obligations but children must come first. Make daily time to spend with your kids in whatever capacity you can appropriate to their developmental level. With a teenager, it might only be 5 to 10 minutes of facetime with them and that may be all they need, but make sure they get it. Whenever our children are in need, they need to know we will be present.
What do you think Children need from their parents? Do share in the comments below and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog to not miss a post.