In this first part of this series, I shared five things children need from their parents, which includes Love, Faith, Confidence, Patience and Affection. Today, we will be looking at five more. Continue reading to know what they are.
Our role as parents is to provide feedback to our children which is conducive to the building of their character. When we criticize, yell, berate or become passive-aggressive, they cannot grow. They will shrink or become enraged and develop negative feelings about themselves, their capabilities and about us. When we rob our children of their pain and we do not allow them the possibility of failure, then we also rob them of their pursuit of happiness. Our children need our counsel to understand that the most important part of life is the worthwhile struggle of discovering a sense of meaning and purpose.
Each child is here in this life to be their own person. They are not here to be like us, they are not here to be as-good-as or better-than their siblings, peers or the children of our friends.
When we compare our children, we are telling them they are not as good as others.
This undermines motivation and makes them feel a lack of their own personal significance. There is no comparison. You can only compare someone to themselves and even then, we all have bad times in life we wish to move past. If we use a comparison, it should only be an example of how far our children have come from where they were before. Use compassion instead of comparison.
It is our role to teach our children right from wrong, but it is not our right to decide who they are supposed to be. As parents, we need to stay away from controlling, manipulating and pulling our children away from their natural interests. We must allow them to explore their own decision-making process instead of making decisions for them.
If we show disgust or disappointment over their choices, because they aren’t the choices we would have made, then we are manipulating.
For us to be great leaders, we need to live the lives we love, to have a purpose beyond our children, so we don’t need to live out our lives and our unrealized dreams through our children.
It is not their responsibility to make up for what we are missing in our own lives.
If you do not respect your children, they will, in turn, learn not to respect you. Children will do as you do, not as you say. They are not going to respect you simply because you are an adult. They can only respect an adult who respects them. If you ridicule them, they will ridicule and disobey you. If you want to be respected by them, respect yourself and show them what that looks like. Most importantly, respect them; it is through the respect given to them that they naturally learn to respect themselves and you.
If you are emotionally immature as a parent and you rage, ridicule, cause tantrums and ignore your children, you teach them to respond to you and to life in that exact same way.
Children need your love, time and attention. There is no substitute for you. Never let babysitters, iPads, video games or other things become the parent or caretaker of your children. We are a working society and all have obligations but children must come first. Make daily time to spend with your kids in whatever capacity you can appropriate to their developmental level. With a teenager, it might only be 5 to 10 minutes of facetime with them and that may be all they need, but make sure they get it. Whenever our children are in need, they need to know we will be present.
What do you think Children need from their parents? Do share in the comments below and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog to not miss a post.
3 thoughts on “Things Children Need From their Parents- 2”
First of all, I want to thank you for your article. These things should be discussed and parents have a great opportunity to prepare their children for life ahead, for family is everything. Whenever I see families that spend time together, I also see happiness and well-adjusted children. Not perfection, but much closer. The time spent is well worth. **I want to also take this time to share an observation. As the media and opportunities to connect increase, we are also in a state of constant doubt. It’s sad. On television, the husband is always being derided, minimized, and rarely put in a good light. I remember “Father Knows Best,” “The Courtship of Eddies Father,” and more from my childhood. I’ve seen sons work on cars with their fathers. I’ve seen families spend hours at dinner, talking and sharing. And more. Today, we see many schools forgetting the importance of the adult, the need for direction, and the awe we kids had when teachers shared some amazing experiences that might lead us. Being a parent is hard, but also not hard at the same time. It’s the time that’s important. It’s being the adult and using that experience to raise the children. But due to years, even generations of misinformation, parents are constantly told that what they are doing is wrong. Then, with enough of that, eventually, parents don’t know how to be parents anymore. Then come the books, infomercials, panels on television, but parents need to parent without the constant doubt. They’ve even made spanking something akin to abuse, which, if my parents knew half of the things I did in my youth, should have garnered more and harsher punishment. Of course, with more time spent together, with more discussions, perhaps less of the need to punish, but even the best of us children don’t know our own boundaries unless we are shown. My uncle, who I thought a great man, shared a story. His parents were farmers, worked very hard, and they ate together and did things together when time availed. But one time, according to him, he disrespected his mother and his father gave a serious consequence, but never had to again, for his father was thoughtful, but knew when a line had been crossed. His father taught him to make good judgements and this affected him in a good way the rest of his life as he and his wife raised two good children, and they ended up with many grandchildren. I also remember another one of his stories. His daughter wanted to stay out later, saying her friends could and their parents allowed, so why couldn’t she. He thought about this some, and later told her that he loved her, but that if he didn’t hold to the rules, that would mean he didn’t love her. He then asked if she wanted him to not love her. Of course, she listened, for her father loved her dearly. I know many parents have not done their job as parents, but I think we’re living in confusing times, losing the foundation through allowing us to be told by others how to parent. And we’re doing this with the best of intentions. Thankfully, there are people like you bringing some common sense and understanding. But I also think it’s important for two people, considering getting married and having a family, to really think what that means, then parent their children knowing they won’t have all the answers, but they will be there through and through.
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Thanks you for your comment. You’ve inspired a lot with the stories you shared. Thank you
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Be nice if more people shared their experiences. We learn from each other.
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