I have to say it has been ages on here, I hope March has been good for you?
Sometime in January, I admitted a teenager who was said to have fainted after someone hit him in a fight. The first person we contacted because he was brought in by strangers was his dad. On his dad’s arrival, it was a tug of words. The man shouted, raged a lot of abuses on the boy’s mother in her absence. He was not even ready to pay for whatever we use. Few minutes after, his mother rushed in, shouting and wailing. She asked if the boy will be fine and after she was psychologically reassured, she bounced on her husband to hurl insults at him.
It was indeed a fierce battle of words that night. I later found out that both parents had divorced each other 7 years back, and the children had been in custody of the woman because that was the verdict given by the judge at the court. Something happened and the woman had to release the boy still in the secondary school to the father.
All through this family’s stay at the hospital, I realized the following about children from divorced homes, and how they can cope.
1. There is always a vast difference between how a man will train a child compared to how a woman will train a child.
Women can be very emotional with handling matters, while a man acts more carelessly or rationale depending on how responsible he is. There is a reason why God did not permit only one gender to give birth and train up a child, he wants the children to learn from both sides. God wants both parents to sit down and train their children in partnership.
In the case of divorce, it is always different. Children are always filled with hatred for a particular person and there is always blame shifting. Whoever is in charge of the child has the right to influence the child and that causes danger in most cases.
If you are the first born, and you are in your teenagehood, you should try as much as possible to avoid any of your parents talking bad about the other person before you. You should also learn to shut your siblings up when they talk about the shortcomings of your parents.
2. Children from separated homes are always ashamed of their status.
There was a point where my dad threatened to divorce my mum, that was about 11years ago. Every day I went to school, I imagined the ‘if’ in my dad’s threat. If it had happened, I would have been shattered and it would have affected me badly. Thank God it never happened.
I have friends from broken homes and it is not always easy for them. They live in low self-esteem.
Marriage is between two adults and you were not there when they got married and whatever agreement they had. No matter what happens, it is your duty to make sure you stay happy. This is one of the reasons you need to focus on your academics and God. It might be tough but you can pull through.
3. They don’t believe in love, and they mostly fall victims of lust.
I will have to treat how not to fall into the hands of predators as a result of your circumstances later. Divorced people mostly talk down on love, and make you feel you don’t need love.
This is not the truth. Everyone needs love.
Listen to more love testimonies, visit families that are still united, and learn from them.
4. They find it difficult to forgive their parents or one of them.
Children hardly forget what someone tells them especially when it is coming from their mother. Forgiveness is necessary. You should learn to forgive.
- Listen to the good testimonies about the person you are finding hard to forgive.
- Pick up your family album and look at every picture in it.
- Ask the Holy Spirit to help you forgive.
Do you need someone to counsel you on forgiving your parents?
Do you think your parents have wronged you and you can’t seem to get over it?
Do you feel depressed because of what is going on in your family and you need counsel?
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