Amidst the boring and aging life, a young adult ought to have goals and ambitions. Building the layers of the soil I call foundation for the future with hard work, prayers and commitment. Life seem difficult, and although I have always heard, ‘you should read well, so you can rest well in the future’ I never believed it was figuratively telling me to rest well as a child, play all day long, sit before the Television set seeing Alvin and the chipmunks, because life at adulthood means ‘work, work, and work’.
It is astonishing to believe that you are tired of who I am now, disappointed I am not what I told you I would be in future. Angry that I never looked back at the right corner of the room I hid myself, with you believing the future is all bright and beautiful.
You made me strong, even though I cried always. I cried over everything and nothing, interesting things I now find boring, ‘you must finish that food’ my mum would shout at me, with a little man in her hands ready to spank me. You stood by me when I cried, you smiled at me when I told you I wanted to be rich in the future. You told me I could get all I wanted at adulthood, the clothes, the gadgets, the cuisine I only saw on TV, the friends I could never meet. You told me I would have a power of my own as an adult.
Daily, our friendship grew sour, bidding farewell each day I celebrated a birthday anniversary, you would sit at the corner of the house, still smiling. When I was lingering on to make us run into the dark and hide my dad’s shoe you would frown at me and say it is bad. ‘Adults don’t eat that way’ you corrected me countless times, when I spilled oil on my dress.
Thank you for standing by me, for making me smile all day. Those curious moments, like wanting to know how the light in the refrigerator goes out, why the microwave makes a sound when it is done, why I had to be forced to swallow drugs. I am happy I’m growing, you would be proud of me, this I know. I tried coming back to see you countless times, but in there is darkness, cold and silence.
When I call your name, I hear echoes of it several times, it scares me, then I run out embracing adulthood. Still imbalanced between responsibilities and growth. Why do I have so many responsibilities as a young adult? Why do everyone around look up to me for something? I was tired of being scolded and corrected, forgetting that I am an adult, I figured out I could be happy like I was with you. I woke up this morning feeling sick, dressed up and walked into the path that leads to you. I was determined to meet you to ask how you are faring, and tell you how much I have missed you.
Don’t ever give up. Life might be tough, the journey might be rough, but it is for the better. Do not look into past, but rather into the future, for that is where your greatness lies.
Those words came resounding into my ears, they were the words of my teacher from Junior School.
I took a turn back home, I believe you want the best for me which is why you left me to learn things myself. I miss you, and earnestly care for you. Like your words, ‘I will be here for the main time’. Was that why you stopped me from playing with sands on the school field, from hiding buttons because I have an affection for them?
For my good, I will stop thinking of you, since I can’t return to you. You are my past, though I will always talk about you in the future. But I hope you haven’t forgotten me likewise?
Olayemi loves you. 💕
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