Living Through Grief and Loss

Each time we hear of death, chills run through our spine, fear creeps in and sometimes, we try to ease the fact that it exists.
Sorry if it sounds offensive, but we all are going to die, one way or the other, might not be the same time or same day, but we’re surely going to.

Let’s define grief, loss, and death

Grief is a pain of the mind arising from misfortune, sorrow, and sadness.
Loss is the hurtful condition of having lost something or someone, particularly in death.
Death is the cessation of life and all associated processes, the end of an organism’s existence as an entity independent from its environment and its return to inert nonliving state.

When one loses his/her loved ones to the cold hands of death, one is bound to grief, yes we are. And depending on the individual’s emotional stability because grief affects not just the physical but also the mind, the person can grief for days, weeks or months.
Some grief by crying, pouring ash on themselves, tearing their clothes. That’s a little better because such people can be consoled and observed changing.

But in the case of those that do not show this outward grieving, you observe them okay but they are the ones that need more attention, why?

It’s a battle of the mind, they’re weeping on the inside which might lead to something else if not addressed.

Grieving for too long can lead to a number of things, including:

i. Depression
ii. High blood pressure which results from the inward grievance.
iii. Solitude
iv. Emotional instability
v. Sometimes madness, when the inward grievance is more than the person’s strength emotionally.

But if you know some little facts about death, then you’d grief but not for too long:

a. Death is inevitable: no matter how hard you try to prevent it, like a thief in the night it’s going to come knocking at the appointed time.
b. Death is a respecter of none whether old or young, fair or dark, like a route we’re all going to pass through.
c. No matter the time spent brooding, the tears that roll, the breast you beat and the earth you stamp on, they can’t come back to life.
d. When death occurs, there’s no coming back.
e. Note that when death occurs, life only ceases for the dead and not the living. So, the ones alive shouldn’t stop living.

Then this inevitable question pops in your head, so how do I live through grief and loss?

The following ways can help you live through grief and loss:

  1. Trust God through the process of grief, remind Him of his promised Comforter.
  2. While grieving, don’t live in seclusion. If you do, you’d think you’ve gotten over it but to others, you’re now very much attached to the grave. For instance, you tend to do what he/she likes doing, cook what they like eating, tread the path they always tread and with time, your judgement is beclouded with the fact that they’re not dead.
  3. Don’t grief for long: it’s good to grief but grieving for long is bad, lossing someone you love is not easy, but too much of everything is bad.
  4. There’s no such thing as getting over the loss of your loved ones, all that is done is burying it in your heart and moving on. Allow the wonderful memories linger in your heart and move on with life because grieving from now till eternity can’t bring them back.
  5. Live each day waking up with a resolve to be fruitful and purposeful, live with a reminder that there’s more to life than grief, losing them is not the end of the world, there are still more mountains to surmount.

Lastly, you’d ask yourself: so, does it mean I should totally forget them? Should I erase them from my memory? And live my life like they never crossed the road of my heart and mind?

No, even if you try forgetting them, it’s impossible, rather each time you remember them, instead of crying, brooding and devastated, thank God for the life spent and pray for the grace for you to live on.

Also, note that time heals every wound, but sometimes it seems like time is slow and the wound is decaying, don’t forget number one, which is to trust God through the grief process.

Have you ever lost someone so dear and will like to share more tips? Feel free to do so in the comments below. 

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