Two close friends once had a misunderstanding that started when the male friend corrected his female friend strongly; telling her what she did was uncalled for. Well, this got on the wrong side of the friend, and she said: ‘never talk to me again, you will regret this’. She got angry, and spat out some heavy words which may not be forgotten easily –
Let’s learn from this, shall we?
Anger is almost inevitable in the world we live in today, as you would most likely have someone tell you what you do not like or disappointed by another. A close one may do something you least expect. And these are only a few of what could get one angry.
But why is it so, you ask? Well, it’s because not everyone believes what you do, neither is everyone brought up the way you’ve been trained. Not everyone you meet will use words like you do, nor do all understand the weight of words/actions as you do (and vice versa).
So, yes, anger (being displeased with another’s action) is quite inevitable but there’s something quite disturbing and/or alarming in how we respond when angry -in the content of our words and unruly/rash actions- which most times are totally uncalled for.
It’s quite normal to respond with words as this expresses -first of all- how we’re displeased with the action of another which got the other side of us. Even when we don’t talk at first, it would still lead to words (talking). Words are the hallmark of our reactions when displeased. Sadly, we say some words which we would most likely regret saying. Unfortunately, -as the Yoruba proverb says- ‘words are like egg, once it’s broken, it can’t be packed anymore‘.
Anger when not bridled -at its peak- drives one’s action like wine.
Many times, when I look at words I have said to people when angry, I laugh at my own foolishness. I mean, how could I have said that?!
There’s this saying that: ‘the true intention of the heart is known when angry’. Well, maybe. But really, it’s not always true.
You see, a lot goes on in the mind of a normal human being (from the words of friends which he has heard to the movies he has seen, and so on). Therefore, an average human has good and bad thoughts floating around his mind, and most times, he sieves/discerns the pure thoughts from the dirty ones. But when angry – it’s as though that which restrain the seemingly wrong words is suddenly let loose, the anger takes control and releases them all!
In essence, anger -when not well managed- is intoxicating, it controls your mind, and in turn your words.Click to tweet
For instance, a friend of yours offends you, and you say words like: ‘I don’t ever want to see you again, in my life’. Wait – did you even listen to yourself? So, for the rest of your life (assuming you have 80yrs more), you don’t want to see the fellow again! Is that not extreme? Well, I believe it is.
Truth is that you actually don’t mean it, but your anger got the best of you! Funny enough, you might be the one who is wrong, or maybe you misunderstood the person’s intention.
But anger blocks the mind from reasoning. It puts forth ego above relationship. It makes you see only you. It justifies your wrong. It tricks your mind. Anger robs you of your peace, joy, and sanity. It turns an issue to be settled in minutes to years; robbing you of even opportunities.
Will you get angry? Well, yes! But do you have to speak and/act rashly? No!
Have you not noticed that strange feeling/burning that just want you to spit those rash words out, or act rashly when angry? That conflict between those good training you’ve received, and the wrong ones? When it feels as though you have to unleash ‘the devil’ inside of you (at all cost). But after unleashing/spitting the venom) – it is as though, you’ve been used. Anger, therefore, used you!
I had an interaction with an older person who related how he has stopped greeting his elder brother and his children because of a misunderstanding between them. He said they now pass by each other and won’t say a word. He was seeking my advice on what to do. Have you discussed it with him? I asked. No, he replied.
Now, observe how the problem here is no dialogue, and how it’s eating up this man that he had to tell someone.
You see, like I told him:
Being the first to say sorry or to start the dialogue doesn’t make you a fool; it only means you want peace to reign. This would even give room to understand things better.
So, you can control yourself when angry (and you should). Don’t allow your anger to rob you of your sanity. Be able to maintain sanity even when angry. This keeps you from taking actions that you would regret. It preserves and sustains you.
He who angers you, conquers you. control yourself. When angry, say nothing.
How do you manage your anger even in the most unassuming situations? Feel free to share in the comments below.