What happens when faith fails? What happens when your trust begins to subside? What happens when your level of trust has depreciated beyond the minimum level? What happens? Oh! what happens?
Sometimes I wonder if I am too blind to see God’s plan for my life or too weak to carry the responsibility that God has placed me in charge of. My faith is thinner than I anticipated.
My doubt is like a flowing water that never dries, even in the season of the harshest sunset. Hmm…FAITH! I seem to have lost all of mine. Challenges have stricken me so hard that I have lost the God in me. Situations have proven so hard, even though others would have loved to exchange my life in place of theirs. I really want to rely on someone but it is so hard praying to someone who doesn’t want to answer. Are my prayers meaningless? Or is God trying to test my patience and level of trust? Is HE walking me through this path so I can be more stronger? but how much more can I handle? How much more can I take? How much more before I shut down? I am so tired of doing things the hard way. Working too hard to finally get the things others can get within a short period of time. Why is my process too tedious? I desire a little comfort too; a little favor or mercy. I ask for just a little of the good things. Or maybe God doesn’t want to give a little but more than sufficient since he is the all-sufficient God. Maybe I am close to that big breakthrough I have been asking for a long time. Maybe HE is preparing my mind, like HE is testing me through fire for the plans he has for me in the future. I just ask for His faith, because mine has gone down below the drain. I want the patient to endure it all and love, to be able to breathe through the process.
Help me see that your plans for me are for good and not of evil. Help me trust you wholeheartedly because without you, I am incomplete. Help me smile through the hard times, and love you no matter the circumstances. Help my faith never to fail.
I want something so bad, but I have to let it go because of the promises ahead. Right now the only desire I have left in me is the desire to success beyond all odds. The urge to become successful has toughened than a chewed leather. The hunger for my ambition scares even me, the dreamer. It might seem the hardest, but I would never stop thinking big. I would never stop dreaming. I will never stop closing my eyes and seeing myself in all the best places, because one day all my dreams will turn to reality. I will fight for the things I want no matter the challenges. I even scare myself.