My friend was fiddling with her phone in church and I peeped to know what she was doing. Alas, it was porn! She was watching porn, I felt reluctant to watch at first, but as time passed, I started watching. It was terrible, I started leading a double life; I would watch porn and masturbate then sing in the choir on Sunday. I did not know I needed help and so the devil trapped me with that.
“I sing in the choir but I am addicted to porn and I derive pleasure from masturbation”.
That was me years ago; I would watch porn in church with my friends. Yeah, I just said “in church”, masturbate at home and sing in the choir on Sunday. My life revolved around chance and I became very addicted.
Writing this is not easy for me, because it is unveiling something I had always kept quiet about. But who am I not to tell it in order to help others suffering get free. Like I said, writing this is not easy for me and I wanted to stop, but I kept getting pushed to write. I got an insight from the Holy Spirit to write about getting freedom from addictions and I was to focus on pornography and masturbation, taking a cue from my personal experience.
My friend was fiddling with her phone in church and I peeped to know what she was doing. Alas, it was porn! She was watching porn, I felt reluctant to watch at first, but as time passed, I started watching. It was terrible, I started leading a double life; I would watch porn and masturbate then sing in the choir on Sunday. I did not know I needed help and so the devil trapped me with that. As time passed, I stopped watching porn alongside masturbation, then the real torment began.
My mind became soiled with sexual thoughts, I would imagine impure things and whenever I saw somebody of the opposite sex, my mind would become polluted. My life turned around and I started getting angry with myself, frustration set in and I began to get tired of life. I would try to wade the thoughts and when I could not, I would cry my eyes out and that was when I realized the damage being done to my life. Then fear came in and I was trapped by it; at a point, I gave up because I thought I could never be saved.
During this time, I was not born again; I was just a church girl but I had left the choir department. I would then pray and fast; at times, frustration from those impure thoughts would make me lose my appetite and I would just fast for that day. I was filled with fear of how my future would look like if I continued in that lifestyle, I wondered at how disappointed my parents would be if I didn’t do well in life; yeah, I thought I could never make it in life again.
Then my admission came, and I read a book by Gbile Akanni “Battle for the Young”. And my eyes became more open to what was happening to me because I read a particular portion of that book that was directly speaking to me. I was confused and disoriented. Then I met Jesus through a course mate, she spoke to me about the encounter in the upper room and from that moment, my healing process started. I started feeling peace in my heart and I knew something had happened to me. Jesus saved me from addictions, and listening to Tye Tribett’s He turned it, the lyrics of that song brought back those memories and made me realise that Jesus indeed turned it. Jesus brought me out of the pit and set me on the rock, He removed me from among those who go down to Sheol and restored my life, He showed me genuine love and peace. As I write this now I am shedding tears because I am amazed at how I got delivered, life was tough for me then and there was no one to share my pains with.
To anyone suffering from any sort of addictions, I pray that every yoke of affliction placed upon you shall be broken in the name of Jesus. You would encounter Jesus and he would heal your land, He would free you from shame and reproach and bring you into his light. Amen
I have learnt many things from this and I would share to help everyone battling with addictions out there.
1. A life without Christ is full of crisis, going to church does not make you born again or saved; get Christ, get genuine salvation. I was ignorant of the message of salvation and that lengthened my suffering. Seek Jesus and you shall find Him.
2. Get intimate with the word of God, it purifies your heart and makes you focus on God. Don’t do it in a rush, it could be two chapters daily. Read it slowly and consistently and think about what you have read.
3. Don’t give up. To be frank, my healing process was slow and it took time. In fact, I would sometimes go back thinking those things, but Jesus helped me whenever I slipped; yeah, I slipped but I didn’t fall. The healing process may take long, but in the long run, it would be worth it, don’t give up, you are not alone.
4. Don’t keep quiet, pray. One mistake I made then was seeing God as being angry with me. I was afraid of going to Him and whenever I prayed and fasted like I earlier said, I had a shaking faith. I saw myself as a sinner in the hands of an angry God, I felt God was angry with me because I watched porn in church.
No, God wants to help you, run to Him!!!
5. Get someone to mentor you spiritually. If I had someone to talk to then, I might have been saved earlier. Don’t suffer in silence.
6. Don’t be trapped by fear, that is one of the gimmicks of the devil used to trap us in sin. Pray and rebuke the spirit of fear for we do not have the spirit of fear but that of a sound mind.
For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Indeed my testimony reflects the words of David in Psalms 107: 1-6, which reads:
O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy;
And gathered them out of the lands, from the east, and from the west, from the north, and from the south.
They wandered in the wilderness in a solitary way; they found no city to dwell in.
Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them.
Then they cried unto the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses.
God indeed delivered me from my distresses, he turned my mourning into dancing, he turned my sorrow into joy. He is also able to do yours. At that point in my life, the devil thought he had me but Jesus rescued me. He gave me life and a reason to live again. This is indeed my salvation story and because I have Jesus, I have more than enough.
If this message touches you and you want to give your life to Christ, well congratulations; you just made an amazing decision. Just say this simple prayer:
Lord Jesus, I know and believe that you came to die for me. I am sure you love me and that is why you gave your life for me. Today, I ask for that life, grant me peace and make me yours. Today, I accept you as my Lord and personal saviour.
Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
You just got saved, you are not alone. Jesus tells me he would save you just like he saved me…Hallelujah.
Please share with as many people as you can. Someone needs to read this!