Leaving a Mark Behind

I really have no clue of what I should write.

On one hand, I want to write so badly, even though I have no idea what I should write about. And on the other hand, I just want to vent with someone about what is happening to me, I want to crawl into a hole and simply disappear, and do as people have always told me to do, just leave everyone alone, because I know how much of a disappointment it can be.

And if I try to write something, it would just suck, mainly because English is not my first language even though I really want to write things in English.

The reason why I want to write is because I just want to leave my mark, to know I left something behind, something that people could relate to, or something that could help people. But I think in order to do that, I should fix myself first, because I’ve been going through a lot of crap, and every time I make myself write, I just can’t, maybe it’s just writer’s block, but it’s pissing me off and making me sad at the same time.

Maybe, just maybe if I had someone who could help me through all these, it would be enough. I really think that no one ever knows what you’re going through because they may know that you like this thing but they’ll never know what happened to you, or what you do when you’re alone in your room at night.

And I think having someone who I could write to when I’m feeling sad, someone who can just wash all the pain away, who is always there, who understands and listens, would help. And I can’t be alone with my thoughts anymore, I just can’t.

People here just write these beautiful stories, and I want to write something meaningful too. I really do. I don’t want to leave this place behind, knowing that I was literally a nobody. But what should I write about? Me? I don’t consider my issues something that matters to other people, and I could never turn all this numbness into beautiful poems, I think.

But hey! Who cares, no one ever cared, no one ever will. So I guess I’m writing to nobody. Because I’m alone, and I don’t have a voice, but I do have a lot to say, even though I can never find the right words.

Did any of this make sense? Sometimes everything in my hand is just a big mess and end up not making any sense.

I wish I could bring happiness to somebody with my words.

But please don’t be like me and hold yourself too.

If you want to write, do it. If you have any other dream, you should try your hardest to achieve it. I know you’re capable of doing that.

I want to make sure you stay safe. Who ever is reading this, know that I love you, even if I don’t know you, I strongly believe that you’re a wonderful human being and you bring joy to people around you, you’ll always be loved and helpful.

You are not alone, so please keep hanging on.

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