Taking Charge and Leaving My Pain Behind | by Deborah Ashaye

Times when it seem the whole world is against me
Past experiences keep pouring guilt on my face because I permit them
I see myself as someone with an awkward personality who doesn’t have anything to offer to her world
I feel like a second class citizen because of those precious things I have lost
I get engulfed with feeling of guilt and shame and it feels as though death is the best option
My heartbeats doubles up like it wants to change its position
My teary eyes and my watery nose attracts pity from onlookers…
‘Oh, she has been through a lot’ they say

‘I’m missing it’ I cry
‘I can’t continue like this’ I lament
My present help stands arms akimbo looking at me expecting me to reach out
‘Help!!!’ I cry out, ‘Please save me from this emotional torture, I’m drowning and I can’t help myself’

‘Psalm 3:3’ he replies calmly, I hurriedly check through my Bible
‘But thou oh Lord, art a shield for me, my glory and the lifter of my head’
I read, read, re-read, and keep reading,
I can’t just stop reading this particular verse; It bears so much meaning that I lack the right words to explain it
Something great is happening on my inside

And I, Deborah, arise…
I accept that everyone make mistakes
I accept that it’s a message to serve as an encouragement and empowerment to the world
I declare with so much strength on my inside that enough is enough of carrying around me the luggage of the past
It sure bears so much weight
I say to myself:
I am not to be pitied
I surrender my emotions to Christ on the cross of Calvary
I am an eternal spirit having a human experience so I learn to forgive myself
I release pain from my inside
I inject new energy into my soul
I am a valuable asset to my world
Nothing is troubling me again for I bear in me the mark of Jesus Christ
I am a unique and rare breed
I am taking my place
I am moving on without limits
I am brand new
His newness radiates all around me

About the Writer
Presently running my NYSC in Sokoto state, Nigeria, I graduated from the department of Accountancy in Yaba College of Technology. I’m an up and coming writer; I love reading people’s blogs cos I don’t have one. I’m a God crazy fellow and I love everyone like Christ does. I love singing and I enjoy praying in the Holy Ghost. Deborahashaye05@gmail.com

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