Ever since I was little, I have never agreed I was still a child
I felt like my head had this information that no child would ever understand.
I felt really smart and growing up seemed like my goal.
I counted my age and waited like one watching the sunset.
The view was beautiful, my mind continued to wander over bigger things but my body was so little.
The years seemed slow because each day, I counted my age
I thought I needed a bigger body to be able to accelerate all the information locked down in a smaller me
I never allowed anyone to talk me down with the idea that I was just a kid.
I hated being called one, I puffed my nose high and refused to talk to anyone, so they wouldn’t regard me as such
I behaved maturely so everyone would regard me as an aunt
Oh my, I missed out on so much
As years went by, I took a look on every of my pictures each year and saw how little I was
I secretly whispered to myself that I was really a kid.
Still I wanted to grow older, do great things
My age is running faster than I counted, and I wish I can stop it from counting and turn back he hands of time to enjoy all I have missed!
I remember how I spent time stuffing all the words I wanted to say in class but ended up seating quiet with fear being judged of talking too much.
I was really thrilled when people regarded me as matured sometimes, but I wasn’t lucky because my body was small.
I always wanted bigger things, but no matter how I looked, people still got to see the child in me
Oops, being an adult is quite a work, I told myself.
I remember all the stolen make up I dodge to put on my face but was still regarded as a child
I remember how chilly it felt when older guys winked at me. It felt empowering and made me much of a woman
I felt really happy when people thought I was older than I actually looked
And down when they thought I was younger
Reality in growing up didn’t make me smarter, it just gave me some kind of chills that I’m alone
I no longer have my phone on speed dial calling and asking for money from folks
Now I wish I could turn back the hands of time and take every opportunity I had to be child I never was
Sad because you can only roll the hand of your wall clock not the hand of your number of years…