From being there for you and holding your hands in the bad times, to celebrating the good times with you, friends are some of the most important people in our lives. Friends are absolutely indispensable because they not only define who we are and influence our lifestyle choices directly or otherwise. They also form the basis for the relationships on which we build lives.
“Friends are the family you choose.”
Jess C. Scott
Because friends are so important, it is necessary to prune our circles when necessary; dissolving friendships that do not align with our personal purpose any longer. However, ending friendships is easier said than done and it’s perfectly normal to doubt your decision to cut off a friend. Thus, here are four of my most important signs that point to the need to end a friendship.
1. Dishonesty
Honesty and trust form the basis of all rock-solid relationships, so it is important that you are able to trust the words, actions and motives of your friend(s). Honesty in friendship exists in many levels, all of which are very important. Being unable to trust the criticism of your friend(s), having friends who lie about or malign others or knowing that you cannot fully rely on them are pointers to a lack of honesty on some very important levels that must be present in true friendship.
2. The need to be a different person to conform to their standards
I have personally had one too many experiences with this form of peer pressure in friendships. While it is natural for the company you keep to have a degree of influence on you, feeling the need to pretend to be someone you’re not in order to fit in the mold of your friendship is a definite red flag!
Knowing your friend(s) do not appreciate your true persona and cannot tolerate parts of you like your faith, fundamental beliefs, family or financial status means they do not truly accept you. It is only reasonable to talk things out with these friends, or dissolve the friendships altogether.
3. The tendency to become complacent
Though we all put on the “e go be”* disposition at leisure, we do have goals we’re deeply passionate and very serious about. A friend who leads you to become truly complacent about your goals could be pernicious.
The slang “E go be” is quite popular among Nigerian youths. It implies “que sera sera”, the mentality that whatever will be, will be and so, you should relax.
4. A superiority or inferiority complex
The personalities of every person range from dominant to warm and to submissive, and these personalities are exhibited in most of our relationships, such that in every friendship, there is almost always a more dominant, opinionated friend.
However, there could be an inferiority complex stemming from being constantly put down by your “friend(s)” or a superiority complex from a friendship in which your actions are not questioned. If you find yourself in a friendship with either of these complexes, there is definitely a need for a honest, potentially difficult conversation that may lead to dissolving that friendship.
{Read: On Friendship and Letting Go}
Have you ever had to cut off a friend? What was the reason? How did you handle it? We’d love to hear from you in the comments!
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