Breakup Tales: Take a B|R|E|A|K

Breakup is one word that people do not want to hear, especially when they are in the heavenly mood of “being in love”. But more than often, breakups happen. And, if we do not have any life skill to handle it when or if it happens, it can leave us in shambles instead of helping us to be stronger.

Some define breakups to be a break in the relationship, but in reality, this break fails to come to an end for most people, as they keep falling in the cycle of breakups.

Even though breakup is often used to refer to a split in romantic relationships, it can also mean a breach in a relationship with a close friend or family. And whichever it is, trust me, a breakup is not a palatable period, but it can also be one of the most re-defining moments of a lifetime if we allow it.

A friend recently asked me the same question we are tackling in this blog post, “how do we handle breakups?” and I will be sharing the exact response I gave to her, with you.


BBe clear about why your relationship broke up in the first place and your part to play in it.

We are quick to admit that we were not a contributing factor to our breakups, especially if it’s glaring to the public that the other party cheated or did something similar. I’m not saying this is incorrect. However, I am of the opinion that before a relationship snowballed into a breakup, both sides had a fault in it, even if that fault was “doing nothing”. And most times we don’t realize this until the breakup has happened.

Many, out of their relationship at the moment, would agree with me that maybe their relationship would have been alive today if they had taken just a little action to make it live.

{Read: Don’t Rush Into a Relationship}

A breakup can teach us to be more resilient about our dear ones and in fighting for what we want, instead of whining all day about how our partner left us when in true essence, we never fought FOR THEM to stay.
Understanding this part of breakup and having this perspective can help us in future relationships.

R- Resist the temptation to bottle up.

The reason we have so many people who are numb and hopeless from their past relationship is that so many of them have refused to open up. I know there are so many betraying ears out there but more than you imagine, so much more have experienced what you are going through. And because they haven’t seen it as such a shameful thing or taboo, they have been able to talk themselves out of the shackles of a breakup.

According to the American Psychology Association, about 50% of relationships break up. So, a breakup is almost an associated step in growing up.

Opening up comes in different ways, some people first have to open up to themselves in writing and self-discussion before they decide to open up to other individuals. But as a rule, if you are opening up to anyone, be sure it is an individual of reputable relationship history and not someone who is getting in and out of breakups like a knitting pin goes in and out of the wool.

E- Environment matters.

Stories around some breakups are so tragic that the individuals need as much as a change of environment.

How do you know if you need a change of environment following your breakup?

If your current environment (location or people) constantly remind you of the relationship that went into a breakup, up to the point that it torments you or cause you to hallucinate, then maybe, you need a change of environment.

Having a change of environment can be almost impossible for some, especially teenagers who were in a secretive relationship that ended up being abusive or being betrayed. This reinstates the essence of opening up; even though those at your aid may be initially angry at your actions, they most likely do not want you dead overall.

The pain of breakup should be considered enough discipline for teenagers who venture into secretive relationships, and as such, parents and guardians should be careful to nurture those who open up, right.

A-Activities help.

If you cannot completely change your environment, at least you can involve yourself in some new activities. The idea is to engage your mental capacity enough that you don’t have unnecessary space to harbor pain or regret. If you haven’t thought about it, this period of “LONELINESS” MIGHT JUST BE YOUR QUARANTINE GATE PASS TO BEING MORE PRODUCTIVE! It helps to engage in new activities like sports or learning a new skill.

Getting accustomed to new activities might not come off easy after an emotional breakdown, but it promises to be super rewarding. Learning new things around new people is a life-long hack in getting over and handling breakups.

K-Know your stand.

The biggest mistake to make after a breakup is to think that another relationship will wipe your tears away or erase the mistake of the past. Wake up from LA LA LAND! It takes knowing your stand and making new healthy resolutions to avoid the previous encounter.

When I say know where you stand, I mean, be clear about what you want from a relationship and how you intend to contribute to that, before venturing into another one.

{Related: How to Get Over a Breakup}


So, there you have it! Take a B | R | E | A | K when you need to. It’s part of the process.

Lots of Love,
Tolu.


Have you ever dealt with a breakup? Feel free to share some more tips in the comments.


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