Rejection: What? Why? How?

I am not writing this piece because I think rejection is easy to deal with, nor because I have always been the best at handling my own rejections.

So, why should you read this?

Let’s just say that, in my little experience and in those  times when I was not my best, I have learnt much more that the aftermath and results of not handling rejections well, outweighs the initial effect of the rejection.

Though the scenarios of rejection varies outrightly, it is  surprising that what is considered a rejection by an individual is a mere feedback to another. As such, there is a thin line between rejection and taking things personal. Even some forms of  human personality have been linked to this differences.

As mentioned earlier, rejection can be felt hence, it is an emotion and a negative emotion at that.  According to Psychology Anywhere Anytime, Rejection is the feeling a person experiences when disappointed about not achieving something desired. It is commonly experienced in a quest for emotional relations, such as among romantic couples, in social and group settings, or in the professional world in relation to advancement.

The level to which rejection is felt differs between individuals and the circumstance, and from a personal perspective, the level to which we feel rejected is greatly influenced by human factor (our willingness to hold on to the pain or let go of it), much more than it depends on the gravity of the event.

Similar to a depressed state, a rejected person who is sunk in sadness, is aware of his/her emotional state and most times does not want to be helped out of that state.

How then can we deal with rejection?

1. Expect to be rejected

Just like many other life events, rejection is inevitable, especially for individuals who seek to break the limit of their pasts or present status.

Hence, it would be beneficial to expect some form of rejections in our commune on earth. When we are emotionally prepared for rejections, its negative effect on us can be lessened, and our energy be better tailored to manage the situation. 

This however does not mean we should go about expecting to be rejected by everyone and for everything. Rather this is a call to awareness that rejection really does happen, even to the best of people.

2. Acknowledge rejections

When the rejection finally does happen, the best thing that we can do to our mind, body and soul is to acknowledge how we feel  and not mask our emotions. This is not a time to “stay safe” because sincerely we are already open, so, acknowledge what you are open to the cause of the rejection, the consequence(s) and your stance in all of this. 

Though it is easy to point finger at that wicked tutor who ‘gave’ you 39, or that cruel JAMB (Joint Admission Matriculation Board) that has been holding on to your admission but guess what? You could have a major part to play in that rejection or maybe not. It now becomes your task to identify your fault,  what you could have done better or the strategies you could have engaged.

So, before you point fingers or wave the rejection as “one of those things”, assess yourself.

It is also true that some rejections come with public stigma, hence the ability of the individual to acknowledge how they feel is affected. The truth is that the way to get out of this is still to acknowledge it, let those giving the stigma know that you understand the situation and are in control of it.

3. Seek help

As mentioned earlier, rejection hits us differently, and for some people it is a complete state of wreck.

If this is the case, individuals are advised to seek help by talking to individuals with experience in the area of interest, and above all we should seek relief in the place of prayer.

Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

1Peter 5:7

Asides seeking emotional support, it is pertinent that we seek professional guidelines because we cannot keep doing the same thing the same way and expect a different result. There are two things, we can either change the thing we do or the way we do it and we need both emotional and professional support to know what to do.

4. Celebrate your little wins

Whilst we know that rejections happen sometimes, yet we know that someone can constantly feel rejected because they have refused to acknowledge the ‘little-little’ blessings that God has bestowed on them.

A wise adage says, “Do not miss the joy of the present because of the worries of the future.” How true this is! At times, we are so concerned about the future and we constantly feel rejected while trying to attain it, but what about the blessing of today? What about the ‘little’ favour someone showed you in your journey today, or the little, “well-done” someone told you earlier. Read more about gratitude.

I think that whenever we face rejections, we should take time to reflect and give thanks for those times when things had happened effortlessly for us. This, in fact, gives us new perspective about how to undertake the new task. Asides from our own experience, we need to get out and read, see and appreciate the good in bad many people’s circumstance.

Rejoice your way out of rejections!

5. Be kind to others

From everything that has been discussed above, it is very glaring that rejection is a painful occurrence, so, as much as possible let’s us show kindness to others.

Give that good comment, refrain from harsh words and be sensitive to other people’s emotions, because we really don’t know what they are going through.

In being kind to others, we should not allow favouritism or injustice to take over us, because we are trying to prevent them from feeling rejection. Some of us need to be rejected before we are accepted or so that we can be accepted in somewhere better. Choose truth above emotions every time, but show mercy while at it.

And if the rejection table is right in front of you, do not take it personally on others when they fail to understand you. We all would probably have our slice someday and get to know better.


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Rejection is not my friend, neither is it my enemy; rather it’s an inevitable part of my life, I better be ready for it. What about you?


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