Hi there!
Disclaimer:
This post is not about “trying to fix negative parenting an adult had at childhood”.
The post should please be viewed a lot more with the eyes “Self-Discipline”
When the above topic came to mind, I could totally relate to it and I also remember how a bit challenging it felt leaving home to stay alone at first. Although I boarded all through secondary school, it was not the same as living alone.
Most teenagers, young adults, undergraduates can, at some point, attest to having a hard time trying to play the role of parents and also playing the role of a teenage child at the same time. And if you’re a parent, you know how hard it might be sometimes to raise (or as light as watching over) a teenage kid, let alone playing both roles.
Personally, it wasn’t an entirely easy task for me at first. Thinking about it right now, I knew the things I lost and the things I almost lost. Especially with the fact that some of these things do not come with their definitions boldly written on them. Coming in one form but having a different meaning in its real sense. And also, being in a system where no one tells you what to do, or how to even go about it. Neither did anyone tell you the things that No-One-Would-Tell-You-About.
First, let’s get a clear definition of two major terms in this post. Parenting and Self as defined by Wikipedia.
Parenting:
This is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the intricacies of raising a child and not exclusively for a biological relationship.
Self:
A person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.
From the definition of Parenting, we’ll do away with infancy to adulthood, and pay a little more attention to the rest of the definition.
Self parenting has an idea which is that a person’s mind is created in the form of a conversation between two voices generated by the two parts of the brain. A part representing the inner parent while the other represents the inner child. The inner parent and child observe conversations.
Plain truth is, if you live alone as a young adult, no one will constantly push you to study.
No one will constantly tell you to exercise.
No one will always hit on you about avoiding too much sugar intake.
No one will be present to help you create a semipermeable membrane for you to sieve the types of persons you allow in and out of your life.
No one will choose your friends for you.
You won’t be advised by anyone that it’s time to reconcile and fix that relationship.
You might not have that person who would tell you to cut down on expenses.
You either play these roles of constantly telling self or not. Whichever, both extremes come with consequences.
Below are areas where we’d constantly need to self-parent.
1. Focus
While this virtue might come natural for some, some other persons may not have it in the same proportion with others. This may be due to temperamental differences, environment and upbringing. For some of us who somehow find ourselves everywhere and just lack the ability to be calm and stay focused, we’d need to pay attention to this part because it tells on all aspects of us as a human. The lack of this virtue could affect every aspect of us from our relationships with people, to health care, finances, to our careers/academics, to meditation and all.
Below are a few tips to help stay focused.
- Identify and get rid of distractions: These are triggers. For me, I don’t really see movies but, I love love YouTube videos! Once I have them downloaded in my device, I’m sure to not function in other areas until I’m done seeing them all. How then do I get rid of distraction here? By avoiding the urge to download them when I know I have tasks at hand.
- Setting SMART goals and sticking. Try to stick.
- Keeping pictures of what you want in sight.
- Prioritizing
- Visually tracking progress
The lack of focus could affect every aspect of us from our relationships with people, to health care, finances, to our careers/academics, to meditation and all.
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2. Nutrition/Health Care
We won’t really dwell much on this because, truth is, from elementary school, we’ve always been taught on what to eat in moderation, foods to take more of, taking plenty of clean water, avoiding sweets, exercising is good and the likes.
I believe that knowing these things have not really been an issue for us but following through has been the challenge. Sometimes, we might think that we can’t afford these healthy meals and maybe pay for a gym fee. But, in real sense, these things are achievable.
Opting to walk instead of taking taxis is a form of exercise, downloading Workout Apps and disciplining ourselves to follow through is also a form of exercise. You don’t need to join the “keto-living family” to stay healthy. At least, not when you don’t have the budget for it. Try to constantly remind yourself to eat and stay healthy.
3. Relationships/ Emotions
This aspect is one very sensitive area to look out for. Having the ability to sieve who we allow to come into our lives, who to let go and who to stick with by working on it.
While growing up, we knew who we were to take home as friends and who to not be seen with. The consciousness of whether or not our parents would have issues accepting them had always been there. When we leave home, this consciousness either go with us or we let go of it perhaps, to explore or see that these relationships would not change us. Or painfully, sometimes, we really might not be very sure. In this case, reading books on social relationships could be handy and go a long way in self parenting.
{Read: Friends You Need to Trim and Why}
4. Spirituality
I’m not very sure of how to explain this to make you see this the way I do.
First, we know how often voices in our inner being constantly fight to stay woke spiritually. We understand how often temptations try to show themselves to us in many forms. We also understand how hard it might be sometimes to not fall into them.
Now, something has helped me aside personal Word study and communication with God. which is, going to church every week. Having an intimacy with Jesus is of course Key because, it might be a bit of a challenge to constantly go to a person you barely even know.
After building personal intimacy with Him, Going to Church Weekly helps A LOT! Especially during Word Sessions by the preacher. Personally, I know how I’d almost get choked by certain things during the week, but during service, a Word which I really needed to hear would come my way which would just snatch me from the hands of such choker. This is why it is essential to ask Jesus for The Right Word in Season and The Sent Word. Friends, when these words come your way, you get saved by a lot.
Some of y’all might be thinking “But can’t Jesus just send these Words directly to me?” Please, remember this:
Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day.
Hebrews 10:25
Remember you don’t have to struggle through this. Take the right steps and learn to look up to the right people to learn from them. This self-parenting is a journey that we must learn to scale through.
How do you handle this phase of your life? Do share in the comments below and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog to not miss a post.
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